It’s been quite some time since I last wrote something.
There was a time when I dared to express my feelings more ,when I still had time just for me, then…life just happened 🙂 and time started to run too fast for introspection or philosophy.
I’ve never put on stand by all my questions about Universe, humanity or our role in this dimension and in our life, but somehow, I chose to put a stop on my past. It came natural and of course I may blame the lack of time, but it wasn’t just that, it was just the nature of an internal mechanism that was triggered at some point .
I just decided that I want to be happy, that I want to be free to be myself and for that to happen something inside me told me to forget everything that ever hurt me, so there was nothing left to be expressed, in my opinion.
I lost part of my-old-self on the way and just years after I finally understood why I took that decision and how healing that process was.
I took it because I was needing it, because I had focused so much on the life changing idea that I received exactly what I’d asked for so badly.
Actually, after another long period of time, I may say I gathered enough new memories to consider them a new life time period, so this is how I’ve been designing not just the life I ever dreamt about, but I’ve also been creating new memories to nourish my soul with forever.
Strange fact, at that stage of awareness of my happy present versus my entire history, I felt the need of understanding more of how can I actually reconciliate the two old histories of mine and why would this be useful for the present me, so introspection’s door was again naturally opened.
Behind that door I saw two eras of myself: the more recent one, the happy adult, full of joyful memories and the oldest one, the „missing memory stage”.
I feel like the missing memory is also a dual reality: on one hand it helped me move on in a very healthy way, on the other hand the lack of something mandatory always weakens the whole structure.
So I started looking deeper inside myself and searching for an answer among the humanity’s believes and philosophies.
And since again I focused on my purpose, again the universal mechanism focused on me, too. This is how one day my friend started to tell me about ho’oponopono’s wisdom.
She explained me without knowing what I was feeling about my „missing memory”, „my lost inner child”, how we need to clean out all our memories besides the fact that we have to not let them influence our present decisions and how we need to heal our inner child.
Immediately everything made sense in my mind, even though from understanding the idea to implementing it there is a long way to go.
However, acknowledging that erasing all the hurting memories without cleaning on my-old-self was just a half job done , because my inner unhappy child had been lost for the second time, I understood that „he” is still a part of me that deserves a better place in my own history book in order to fulfil the energy of today’s adult that I am.
It is not an easy process, but it is the completion part in reaching the stage of a complete, free, happy with itself ,fearless, brave person.
Better later than never, I would say.
Life is an extraordinary journey that deserves all our efforts . Sometimes we just need to forget the bad in our past, but as I learned from the Hawaiian wisdom, before erasing the bad we need to make peace with us.
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